No Laughing Matter
by Ray Star Hinamori
Summary: Set in Eclipse. In canon Jacob forces himself onto Bella when she clearly didn't want to be kissed and that needs to stop being excused in fics because she secretly had feelings this whole time. As a way for me to channel my anger towards that particular part in the book and movie, here is how the follow up to the kiss should have gone. Possibly OOC characters, you be the judge.


**Author's Note: This chapter in Eclipse has always bothered me and I loathe how it was handled. I finally just sat down and wrote till I had what I think should have happened down. Maybe one day I'll come back and edit this to be something more but for now enjoy how I felt the assault should have gone. Just as a warning this has very little editing, it was more just to get down my feelings than to make something that really stayed true to the source material**

 **Starts in the middle of Eclipse Chapter 15**

 _Acting on instinct, I let my hands drop to my side, and shut down. I opened my eyes and didn't fight, didn't feel . . . just waited for him to stop. It worked. The anger seemed to evaporate, and he pulled back to look at me. He pressed his lips softly to mine again, once, twice . . . a third time. I pretended I was a statue and waited. Finally, he let go of my face and leaned away._  
 _"Are you done now?" I asked in an expressionless voice._  
 _"Yes," he sighed. He started to smile, closing his eyes._  
 _I pulled my arm back and then let it snap forward, punching him in the mouth with as much power as I could force out of my body. There was a crunching sound._  
 _"Ow!OW! " I screamed, frantically hopping up and down in agony while I clutched my hand to my chest._  
 _It was broken, I could feel it. Jacob stared at me in shock. "Are you all right?"_  
 _"No, dammit!You broke my hand! "_  
 _"Bella,you broke your hand. Now stop dancing around and let me look at it."_  
 _"Don't touch me! I'm going home right now!"_  
 _"I'll get my car," he said calmly. He wasn't even rubbing his jaw like they did in the movies. How_  
 _pathetic._  
 _"No, thanks," I hissed. "I'd rather walk." I turned toward the road. It was only a few miles to the_  
 _border. As soon as I got away from him, Alice would see me. She'd send somebody to pick me up._  
 _"Just let me drive you home," Jacob insisted. Unbelievably, he had the nerve to wrap his arm around my waist._  
 _I jerked away from him. "Fine!" I growled. "Do!I can't wait to see what Edward does to you! I hope he snaps your neck, you pushy, obnoxious, moronic DOG!"_

 _Jacob rolled his eyes. He walked me to the passenger side of his car and helped me in. When he got in the driver's side, he was whistling._  
 _"Didn't I hurt you at all?" I asked, furious and annoyed._  
 _"Are you kidding? If you hadn't started screaming, I might not have figured out that you were trying to punch me. I may not be made out of stone, but I'm not that soft."_

 _"I hate you, Jacob Black."_  
 _"That's good. Hate is a passionate emotion."_  
 _"I'll give you passionate," I muttered under my breath. "Murder, the ultimate crime of passion."_  
 _"Oh, c'mon," he said, all cheery and looking like he was about to start whistling again. "That had to be better than kissing a rock."_  
 _"Not even remotely close," I told him coldly._  
 _He pursed his lips. "You could just be saying that."_  
 _"But I'm not."_  
 _That seemed to bother him for a second, but then he perked up. "You're just mad. I don't have any experience with this kind of thing, but I thought it was pretty incredible myself."_  
 _"Ugh," I groaned._  
 _"You're going to think about it tonight. When he thinks you're asleep, you'll be thinking about your_  
 _options."_  
 _"If I think about you tonight, it will be because I'm having a nightmare. "_  
 _He slowed the car to a crawl, turning to stare at me with his dark eyes wide and earnest. "Just think about how it could be, Bella," he urged in a soft, eager voice. "You wouldn't have to change anything for me. You know Charlie would be happy if you picked me. I could protect you just as well as your vampire can — maybe better. And I would make you happy, Bella. There's so much I could give you that he can't. I'll bet he couldn't even kiss you like that — because he would hurt you. I would never, never hurt you, Bella."_  
 _I held up my injured hand._  
 _He sighed. "That wasn't my fault. You should have known better."_

 _Twilight Saga: Eclipse Chapter 15_

* * *

I saw red. Never hurt me? Really? I had had enough. I couldn't hear anything there was only a vague ringing in my ear. He might have been talking and I thought I heard him saw something about kissing him back. He was delusional. I was seeing spots in my vision and didn't notice my surroundings until Jacob was at my side trying to get my had the audacity to look concerned. I laughed, it sounded hollow and humorless.

"Quite the display you're putting on there. What? Need to make me lower my guard so you can assault me again?" I deadpanned as a sudden sense of calm suddenly washed over me. I knew I wasn't done, this was the calm before the storm.

"Oh please Bel-"

"Don't you dare. You held me so i couldn't back out, taking away my decision, you continued while I was deliberately unresponsive, and then you have the _audacity_ to somehow make this my fault. Was I asking for it then? Was my anger and pain just me begging you to kiss me? You make me sick Black. You keep calling the Cullens monsters but the real monster is right in front of me!"

"Bells please, calm down, you kissed me back that's not something to be ashamed of and it's definitely not something to make crazy accusations over if you suddenly regret it."

"What the fuck do you call sexual assault then Jacob Black! By most people's definition it's when someone can't give consent. Did you even consider for a second that I couldn't push you away because you're so much stronger than me and, oh i don't know, TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THAT AND HELD ME WHILE YOU ASSAULTED ME! YOU PIECE OF ENTITLED SHIT STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!"

"Whoa whoa whoa take it easy!" Charlie shouted as he came between us. "Now what the hell happened here?"

I was about to reply but Jacob beat me to it. "I kissed her."

My retort died on my lips as I heard my dad's response "Good for you Jake!" My dad laughed as he clapped my assailant on the back.

I was calm for a moment. Charlie had to have heard some of what I screamed. And he had deliberately ignored it. My own father. A cop sworn to protect had deliberately ignored a scream about sexual assault because what? He hates Edward that much?

"Bella? Did you hear what I said." I hadn't, I didn't want to hear from either of them anyway. I resolved myself before looking Charlie in the eye.

"Wow dad, I didn't realize a broken hand counted as foreplay nowadays." I held up my now very swollen hand that had become numb with my anger to his face so he could face the truth if Black wouldn't. "Is this how you treat people who come down to the station too? Or is the especially for me because you hate Edward so much. Is that it? Your daughter getting sexually assaulted is excusable as long as you hate the guy give my consent to? Or is it that it has to be the right guy, not just anyone can take advantage of your daughter but if you approve of the guy he can take what he wants."

I was completely shut down. Everything I said was robotic and I was glazed over like I had been when Edward left me. Only this time my body was protecting me from anger that had reached levels too dangerous to deal with at the moment. Charlie looked like someone had just dumped ice water on his head. Jacob looked like he was determined to be as pigheaded as he has been all night, but there might have been a slight crack there.

"A-are you sure you should be so hasty about that conclusion Bella? And besides you guys are young it was a misunderstanding I'm sure." Charlie was nervous, he was backtracking out of fear from my zombie state I'm never wanted to see me like this again, and now he's part of why I'm back to this.

"Bells stop it, you kissed me back. Stop trying to lash out because you made a mistake."

I never broke eye contact with Charlie. "He held me in place." I deadpanned. "He was arguing with me over picking him instead of Edward. He grabbed me by the chin hard enough to still hurt. He didn't ask, never gave me a chance to say anything. When I tried to push him off he held on tighter so I went limp and waited. Maybe he was too busy enjoying my sudden submission to recognize why I was unresponsive. Tell me Chief Swan, does that sound consensual to you?"

Both of them were dumbstruck by my deadpan play by play and didn't speak. Good.

"I'll be at the Cullens' for a while." I turned to Jacob then, "expect a restraining order sometime soon."

I was having an out of body experience. Maybe everything was getting to be too much and this anger had more to it than what happened earlier. It didn't matter, I was justified in my anger and everyone else could go suck it. I didn't even remember calling Edward, or getting into the car, I just blinked and we were in the Cullen Manor on the couch.

"Love? Did you hear me?" It was Edward. His voice was a soothing balm on my white hot anger. I blinked again and took in our surroundings, trying to calm myself enough to talk civilly and not spit out everything I said. On the coffee table in front of me was a couple papers detailing how to get a restraining order. Beside it was some juice, a glass of water, and some cookies. I thought about grabbing a cookie only to notice I was holding an ice pack over my bad hand.

"I guess I was lost in my own thoughts, sorry." Edward, Esme, and Carlisle wore mirroring expressions of concern.

"Jasper was brought to his knees by your anger Bella, I'm worried about what's angered you so much that you've completely shut down." Edward said, making me realize that Jasper and Alice were missing along with Rosalie and Emmett.

"Did Alice see me filing a restraining order?" I got a careful nod in return. "Jacob kissed me, my dad laughed and congratulated him."

All of a sudden it felt like a dam had broken. I started sobbing and was in hysterics. My best friend took advantage of my trust in the worst way possible. My father congratulated him, practically gave him his blessing to do so. All the hurt and betrayal flooded the anger out and floored me. I was helpless to do anything but sob into Edward's shirt. At one point I vaguely registered moving before being laid down in a bed with Edward pulling me to him. He stroked my hair as I sobbed into his chest, eventually falling asleep.

At one point in the night I thought I heard a pained howl in the distance. I went back to sleep.

* * *

 **Author's Note: I'd love to know what y'all think. All reviews welcome including flames. Who knows, I've always had these twilight fanfic ideas running around maybe I'll actually write more of them down and post them sometime. Bye for now!**

 **Also before I go can I just say that this scene in the book and movie was super out of character for everyone involved and literally only served as a device to get Bella to kiss the other point in this stupid love triangle and create more drama because the main leads are possibly some of the most stale, bland, unlikable characters ever written and smeyer didn't know how to add interest to her story without perpetuating the stereotype that Native men are primitive and abusive and dangerous but at the same time that boys will be boys and should just be forgiven no matter what they do instead of being held responsible for their actions and honestly? I'm still mad about it.**  
 **Okay rant over bye**


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